When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?” (John 4, NIV)

A special kind of encounter between individuals is possible when one appears in an unexpected place, each by their background characteristics expects that the other will avoid engagement, and one (the right one) takes initiative with an opening and waits for a response that indicates willingness to engage.

It is the Teacher who takes initiative, giving away control in the process of gaining connection. It is a less comfortable position. We may hear things that we do not wish to hear.

“All people … strongly seek states of interpersonal connectedness and the failure to achieve connectedness … [has] a profound effect on the body, brain, behavior, and experience in the moment and over time.” (E.Z. Tronick, Why is Connection with Others so Critical?, 2004) That is the case even when the interaction between children and others is broken even briefly, and when children have suffered such a break for long periods, they supply their own explanations. They account for their very survival using these explanations (and that is the root of lying, a behavior generally found in these kids).

“I don’t care: what does that have to do with me?” is something we often hear. “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” is that kind of a response.

What we offer is not necessarily visible or perceived. “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep.”

That response indicates some movement in the Teacher’s direction, and it is an opportunity to raise the stakes in the conversation.

But, when the pressure on her mounts, there is dissembling. “I have no husband,” she replied (her own explanation of her situation, that has so far been adequate).

The transformation in the relationship: connection takes place, in this case, through a sign. “Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Christ?”

“The goal,” write Corbett and Fikkert in When Helping Hurts, “is to see people restored to being what God created them to be: people with the gifts, abilities, and capacity to make decisions and to effect change in the world around them; and people who steward their lives, communities, resources, and relationships in order to bring glory to God. These things tend to happen in highly relational, process-focused ministries.”

Thomas V. Jahl, Headmaster, Cono Christian School

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With these words, James introduces an argument that meets (uses the language necessary for understanding) his audience as it is found, and provides us with an example to follow in our mission. Both sides of the question that we face when we work with young people are revealed.

Not knowing what to do in a situation involving an important relationship means that there is something to practice (“Finding Errors and Correcting Them,” Cono Spring 2011). We practice those skills. That means that young people are able to move towards us in a relationship.

They are not where we would like them to be; to move them in the direction that they ought to go, language that will connect with them is necessary. “Children who struggle with their relationships … often lack basic social skills. In other words, they don’t know what to do or how to respond or behave in certain social situations.” (Hensley et al, Well-Managed Schools, 2011) When the relationship does not make progress, or become mature, we lack a basis for making headway in the other areas that affect adolescents’ ability to take responsibility for their own well-being. We practice the short dialogue scripts (language) they need with children so that they can make more mature connections.

The other side of the question of making connection in relationship demands that we find other means of using a language that our students will understand. We must give away a bit of control in that process of gaining connection.

We are often not comfortable with that approach. “We fear encounters in which the other is free to be itself, to speak its own truth, to tell us what we may not wish to hear. We want those encounters on our own terms, so that we can control their outcomes, so that they will not threaten our view of world and self.” (Palmer, The Courage to Teach, 2007) Getting around that resistance becomes necessary for both the teacher and the student, but it is the teacher who is in the position for initiative.

Tim Keller has an answer to a similar question about his congregation at Redeemer Presbyterian Church of Manhattan, “How are you reaching … young adults in such a secular place?” He says, “Christianity has … adapted significantly and positively to the surrounding culture without compromising its main tenets.” (Keller, The Reason for God, 2008) It means an atmosphere without gimmicks, and a community using the right language.

Thomas V. Jahl, Headmaster, Cono Christian School

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Immature belief leaves the burden on others, and leads to incorrect conclusions. “I used to think that learning was the teacher’s responsibility, Now I know that it’s mine. I used to wait for the teacher to put learning into me, and when it didn’t happen, I knew that there was something wrong with me.”

“There was something wrong with me.”

Finding errors and correcting them (practice) becomes the main basis for establishing competency; it is effective when it takes place within the framework of a relationship. Today’s result depends upon yesterday’s progress and the presence of a mentoring adult. We’re putting these ideas into, well, practice. Students try things, find the shortcomings of the effort, and try again. We let them, and guide them, “rather than closing the conversation off … mistakes are the accidents of ignorance, but they are at the heart of the curious mind.” (Deborah Meier, The Power of Their Ideas)

These opportunities are found in what we call our “complex spectrum.” We’ve begun with the robotics activity, our greenhouse is producing a variety of growing things, producing musicals, and in an increasing number of other projects. This year, students chose the musical and cast it themselves (with the approval of the “director”). We learned some lessons: The Wizard doesn’t have all the answers, Perseverance brings reward, No matter how many times you practice things go wrong and you can still go on. We help with the necessary discovery.

“Now I know that … I need to be in charge of how that learning gets into me.” (James, in Easton, 2002)

Thomas V. Jahl, Headmaster, Cono Christian School

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But, in the case of “this kid” Mr. Reilly “doesn’t worry,” and thinks that he will turn out all right. I suppose that he must think this way; Reilly has successfully raised $3 million for a media center at Woodside as part of a strategy to reach his students. This student’s own testimony is that he knows what is required to succeed and that is what he is concentrating on.

We don’t share the optimistic perspective of either the youngster or his Principal (and neither does his mother). His computer behaviors are habit, and its reward temporary. That is the conclusion borne out in principle and by our experience. Add another obstacle such as an early life experience resulting in foster care or adoption, separation or divorce of parents, neglect or abuse, and the potential for those habits to be successful or to be restored in favor of more useful, mature habits is diminished. (See: An Unchanged Mind, McKinnon, 2008)

That means that we must act as adults, across a complex spectrum. We do it when we do not place our relationships into “bubbles.” Not a “classroom” bubble, or a “sports” bubble, or “I’ll be home after work” bubble. We do it when the same adults who parent, also teach, and work with adolescents where our participation is essential for a good result: where progress today depends upon what was done yesterday, the day before, and the day before that, where the taking up and the leaving off are not suspended in midair without a means of support.

Students work with their minds and their hands, in a Robotics program that will lead to state-wide competition, with 4-H programs that involve horses, cooking, shop activities, presentation, and which depend for their results when only we are willing to contribute week after week.

We are looking for that spot of potential. It is located where doubt and clay converge. The adolescent, believing that adults have not done as they should have done, also knows that there is something adults ought to do. (Rom. 9:21 Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?) The Potter does have his right so to make, and we likewise follow his example.

Thomas V. Jahl, Headmaster, Cono Christian School

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Then Saul clothed David with his armor; he put a bronze helmet on his head and clothed him with a coat of mail. And David girded his sword over his armor. Then he tried to go, but could not, for he was not used to it. And David said to Saul, I cannot go with these, for I am not used to them. And David took them off. Then he took his staff in his hand and chose five smooth stones out of the brook and put them in his shepherd’s [lunch] bag [a whole kid’s skin slung from his shoulder], in his pouch, and his sling was in his hand, and he drew near the Philistine. 1 Sam 17.8a, 38-40 (AMP)

We strive, yet it seems we are outnumbered and under-equipped for our task. (Why have we come out onto this field?)

And, we look forward to future events.

This seems a paradox.

Yet, we believe the effort is worthwhile, and our belief not senseless. It is derived from knowing we have disproportionate prospects for success. Not better than even odds, perhaps, but a prospect of success that is disproportionate to the assessment you’d make of our position.

Strategy:
• We choose the wrong son(s). Whoever does not dwell in darkness may do.

• We don’t look at appearances (use the armor that everyone else is used to).

  Or, you might say that we don’t ex ante limit our degrees of freedom.

• We keep our weapons (hidden) in our lunch pail … four more after the first.

Pretty prosaic delivery system … might even be carried down that road by a Samaritan.

Thomas V. Jahl, Headmaster, Cono Christian School

Notes:
Ivan Arreguin-Toft, How the Weak Win Wars: A Theory of Asymmetric Conflict, Cambridge University Press (2005)
Tim Keller, Ministries of Mercy, P&R Publishing (1997)
Doug Thomas, Walter Enloe, Ron Newell (eds.), The Coolest School in America, ScarecrowEducation (2005)

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That first assignment for man was work. Work consisted of tasks of preparation. Anyone who has tended a garden understands that in order to obtain its fruits, the product of the garden, the work of preparation begins the process. That work is of a kind that would be ordinarily understood as unpleasant and not particularly easy. The lack of ease present in that first assignment was, perhaps, precisely the point. Man was to obtain understanding.

“Modern identities are more fluid than the … divisions of the past. Fluid can mean adaptable. But in another train of associations, fluid also implies ease; fluid motion requires that there be no impediments. When things are made easy for us … we become weak; … we lack understanding of what we are doing.” Sennett (1998)

After the period of work came the creative summons: He brought the living creatures to Adam, and whatever Adam called each living creature that was its name.

So it is for us. We are summoned to work. These tasks are not only difficult (and perhaps dangerous now that we find ourselves on the Jericho Road), but we cannot use methods that disclaim creativity, or introduce ease, and allow us to engage only in a superficial manner.

We have in our hands a creative summons.

Thomas V. Jahl, Headmaster, Cono Christian School

Notes:
Richard Sennett, The Corrosion of Character: The Personal Consequences of Work in the New Capitalism, Norton (1998)

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Farmhands: are few. The passage is familiar, as is the prayer request following it. Are we using simply a figure of speech in parallel to the word picture of “much ripe grain?”

Not much further in this part of Luke is the story of a lawyer who poses clever questions in the attempt to justify himself. A man was on a dangerous road and was set upon, physically beaten, and robbed of possessions right down to his clothes. As bad as that outcome may seem to be, it was a commonplace to those who traveled on that way, a consequence of the choice that the man had made. He was passed “on the other side” by the priest and the Levite.

Another did not pass, acting when others did not. His actions are described in specific detail, giving regard to the quality of his efforts, to the significant commitment made to others in order to obtain their cooperation, and to his promise to return, like a farmhand who will return to the field to see the crop spring from seed.

Act (Venture) when no one like you would do so, when it is inconvenient, dirty and dangerous, and when it is not made easy for us. Like a farmhand.
Your credentials do not give you a “pass.”

“The relevance of massive chunks of Scripture hangs on our understanding of idolatry.” Powlison (1995).

Problematic desires usually and customarily motivate our behavior, but the example (in Luke) is in opposition to that difficulty and instead requires performance of tasks that we (lawyer types with credentials) are not ready to perform. To put away pretense, our reason from the inside, to venture when no other person does, wishes to, is put off by the risk, is what proves to have permanent effect.

“Even among God’s people, spectacular confrontations had no lasting effect. Remember the Israelite response when fire fell from heaven and devoured Elijah’s altar…. ‘The Lord, He is God! The Lord, He is God!’ had as much staying power as shouting “USA! USA!” at victorious Olympic events: a feel-good moment that … won’t change a life.
“It won’t change a life. The only way God could do that was to live a life. Cheaney (2010).

Venture into difficult, dirty tasks when no one else does, conduct yourself in those ordinary tasks with the objective of delivering oil, bandages, conveyance.

. Enduring results take place in real space and time. Even cosmic demonstrations don’t have staying power. (i.e., Cheaney)
. Our expectations of what is important in our lives must be set, possibly even dramatically or expansively, aside. (i.e., Powlison)

To change a life, live a life: work as a farmhand would.

Thomas V. Jahl, Headmaster, Cono Christian School

Notes:
Janie B. Cheaney, “Age of Miracles,: World Magazine, 25.7 (2010)
David Powlison, “Idols of the Heart and Vanity Fair,” Journal of Biblical Counseling, 13.2 (1995)

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And I will rebuke the devourer [insects and plagues] for your sakes and he shall not destroy the fruits of your ground, neither shall your vine drop its fruit before the time in the field, says the Lord of hosts. Malachi 3.10-11 (AMP)

We are instructed about few permanent relationships, that instruction is focused upon the example from marriage, and that relationship is intended to bear fruit. Schaeffer, referring to Romans, terms it a double in order that. “The picture here is overwhelming. As the bride puts herself in the bridegroom’s arms on the wedding day and then daily, and as therefore children are born, so the individual Christian … will bear Christ’s fruit into the fallen, revolted, external world.” (Schaeffer, The Church Before the Watching World)

In the world, children are born when the picture is incomplete, defective, fallen, but a child is nonetheless the intended fruit of the relationship between a man and a woman. The incomplete and fallen relationship (I’m allowing here for fallenness to be attributed not just to matters arising within the relationship, but also to matters arising out of the intersection of the world and its nature with the individuals, relationship and the person of the child) is neither to be permitted to destroy the intended fruit nor cause it to be dropped before its time.

That is a powerful argument for acting to protect the legitimate interests of children, to introduce them to the world only when they are ready, and to respond when others are themselves unprepared, unable or unwilling to act.

To act, to tend that vineyard makes the door of hope.

Therefore, behold, I will allure her [Israel] and bring her into the wilderness, and I will speak tenderly and to her heart. There I will give her vineyards and make the Valley of Achor [troubling] to be for her a door of hope and expectation. And she shall sing there and respond as in the days of her youth…. Hosea 2.14-15 (AMP)

Sing and respond.

Thomas Jahl, Headmaster, Cono Christian School

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